in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
