I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Success! We fucked roommates!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
