I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Randomize
