Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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