My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
