you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
This house was built for laser tag.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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