I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
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I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
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How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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