he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I want to fling myself into the sun
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize