Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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