I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
