I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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