Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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