Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
