how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
