Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
