had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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