You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
