he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Too much gin, very little bucket
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
