remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I can't put those talents on a resume
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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