Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
