I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
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