I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
