Midget sex pt 2 tonight
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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