I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
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My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
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She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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