making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Come on in and take your pants off
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