You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize