ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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