I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
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Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
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Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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