Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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