So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
barbara walters just said penis...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
