I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
