That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Randomize
