She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
