I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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