It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
In America we eat man semen.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize