It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
