note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
