They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
