You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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