This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
tell me about the fingering
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