Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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