I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
