WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize