saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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