I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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