whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
