He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
