piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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