Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
