I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
