"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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