these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So squirting runs in the family.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
