sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
