Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
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