forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
