Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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