i may or may not be watching the land before time
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
