it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
