In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
