Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
