She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
