He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
