so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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