he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
