This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do