Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
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Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
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I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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