Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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