You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
