I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
