We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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