I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
